north sydney hammer 8:21 Thu Apr 12
complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Strandtown police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.
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Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Strandtown, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in Parkgate Crescent, which is just off Mersey Street, Belfast.
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Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! Which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring
system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five failed-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on ecstasy pills.
I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the caravan gas bottle that is lying on its side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. In fact, I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Police car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again.. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain your obedient servant
Mr ,
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
RobJonesJR
9:58 Fri Apr 13
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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saw it a few years back but it is still very funny. cheers!
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The_Phantom
9:39 Fri Apr 13
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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made me chuckle
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Paulo Di Godio
9:33 Fri Apr 13
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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Substantially funnier and better written than about 99.9% of the stuff on this site!
Come to think of it, it's more connected to West Ham than 99.9% on here as well!!!!!!
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1964
9:24 Fri Apr 13
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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Thought it reasonably funny having had similar episodes myself.
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RH
11:13 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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not really funny is it
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north sydney hammer
11:12 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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no idea fella, was forwarded via e-mail from a mate.
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REALGSA
8:47 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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I sent an email, complaining about youths and a youth midget smoking drugs in an alleyway
I described the midget youth around 17 years old as vertically challenged.
Bet they had a laugh in the office...
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BRANDED
8:46 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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I'm trying to get to BT. My telephone has been off for 2 days and even though they say ( by text) they've mended it its still as dead as a door mouse. I've had a message from an Indian but the combination of the poor line and the accent has rendered the message inaudible, even though I requested email as the best form of communication. My BT vision hasn't worked for 2 months. I gave up on them and they gave up on it, it seems. Their internet is so slow I got Virgin as well and never use BT any more apart from I need it for the BT vision that never works.
I honestly wish I could just speak with and English person who could actually do something about all the problems.
live in hope.
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mashed in maryland
8:46 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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Its like I've been magically transported back in time 10 years.
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Kenkwondo
8:37 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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That`s good, North. What`s the source, fella?
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JustAFatKevinDavies
8:32 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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i mildly enjoyed that.
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Steady
8:29 Thu Apr 12
Re: complaint to Strandtown Police Station
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This is an automated e-mail message from Strandtown Police Station. Thank you for your e-mail and we will get back to you with a reply within 72 hours
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