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les marteaux 7:44 Sat Aug 30
New Limerick Thread
Same as before

The football we play to be blunt
Is to most West Ham fans an affront

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Mike Oxsaw 11:33 Fri Aug 17
Re: New Limerick Thread
A young girl, a bit of a porker
Got shagged by three blokes in Majorca
But it then was agreed,
Just two did the deed -
The third was a voyeuristic stalker.

A skinny young lady from Leith
Had a lazy fat boyfriend, called Keith

Helmut Shown 9:37 Fri Aug 17
Re: New Limerick Thread
There was a young lad called Jim
Stripped naked and went for a swim
When he rose from the pool
He looked such a fool
His penis had shrunk to a quim

A young girl, a bit of a porker
Got shagged by three blokes in Majorca

arsene york-hunt 4:50 Thu Aug 16
Re: New Limerick Thread
As he ran around the local track
His shorts split exposing his crack
Then out popped his balls
Amid jeers and catcalls,
And the Magistrates too gave him flack.

There was a young lad called Jim
Stripped naked and went for a swim

Helmut Shown 4:18 Thu Aug 16
Re: New Limerick Thread
An Immigrant, down on his luck
Decided to hire a big truck
He drove into town
Knocked pedestrians down
Carnage, and he didn't give a fuck

As he ran around the local track
His shorts split exposing his crack

Mike Oxsaw 12:08 Thu Aug 16
Re: New Limerick Thread
A young man who came from Tblisi
Thought that London muff would be easy
But, whatever he paid,
He couldn't get laid,
So he went off to try in Zambezi.

An Immigrant, down on his luck
Decided to hire a big truck

arsene york-hunt 4:01 Wed Aug 15
Re: New Limerick Thread
A young lady from Canning Town
Who for a snakebite would go down
For a pint of Green King,
She'll lick out your ring,
And stop, when her tongue has turned brown.

A young man who came from Tblisi
Thought that London muff would be easy

Far East Hammer 6:36 Wed Aug 15
Re: New Limerick Thread
Pellegrini thought what have I done?
This team play stupid and dumb
Same old, same old
I was mis-sold
So in the dugout I'll suck my thumb

A young lady from Canning Town
Who for a snakebite would go down

HairyHammer 7:37 Mon Aug 13
Re: New Limerick Thread
The season starts, a right pain
Mullered at Anfield again
Those Scousers so smug
As our team played like mugs
Barely fit and in need of a brain

Pellegrini thought what have I done?
This team play stupid and dumb

Far East Hammer 4:32 Mon Aug 13
Re: New Limerick Thread
The poor altar boy started cryin'
When he knelt before Father O'Brien
This is just my luck
I don't like to suck
Honest Father, I ain't lyin'

The season starts, a right pain
Mullered at Anfield again

arsene york-hunt 3:23 Sun Aug 5
Re: New Limerick Thread
The weather has got on my tits
Commuters just smell like the pits
Just how can you go,
To work with B.O?
These stinking and useless fat shits.

The poor altar boy started cryin'
When he knelt before Father O'Brien

Mike Oxsaw 1:47 Sun Aug 5
Re: New Limerick Thread
A Scotsman called Hamish McDuff
Went out at night looking for muff.
But, all that did pass
Was bollocks and arse,
So the sweaty went home in a huff.

The weather ha got on my tits
Commuters just smell like the pits.

arsene york-hunt 1:36 Sun Aug 5
Re: New Limerick Thread
A Scot from far John O' Groats
Had sex with wild mountain goats,
He'd lift up his kilt,
And go in to the hilt
Holding them tight by their throats.

A Scotsman called Hamish McDuff
Went out at night looking for muff.

Helmut Shown 11:03 Sun Aug 5
Re: New Limerick Thread
One day on the train to Dundee
I noticed a young lady's knee
As she uncrossed her thighs
Another surprise
Bollocks swinging wild and free

A Scot from far John O' Groats
Had sex with wild mountain goats

Mike Oxsaw 12:54 Sun Aug 5
Re: New Limerick Thread
A scotsman by the name of Robbie,
Went behind a bush for a jobbie.
The ensuing smell
Set off the fire bell.
The bush was in Novotel's lobby.

One day on the train to Dundee
I noticed a young lady's knee

arsene york-hunt 2:59 Fri Aug 3
Re: New Limerick Thread
A sp*rs supporter called Wally
Thought some of his choices were folly
Like the day he did choose,
To put on his best shoes,
And slipped when he trod in a tolly.

A scotsman by the name of Robbie,
Went behind a bush for a jobbie.

Helmut Shown 5:43 Thu Aug 2
Re: New Limerick Thread
A man from the Mountains of Mourne
Saw a bloke bending and got the horn
As he pondered the matter
Of being a brown hatter
And whether his arse would be torn

A Sp*rs supporter called Wally
Thought some of his choices were folly

arsene york-hunt 9:51 Wed Aug 1
Re: New Limerick Thread
There once was a man from Iraq
Had a shit and got sand up his crack,
A quick look around,
No water was found
So he got his arse licked by a yak*

*It doesn't say he wasn't in Tibet.

A man from the Mountains of Mourne
Saw a bloke bending and got the horn.

Helmut Shown 8:14 Wed Aug 1
Re: New Limerick Thread
There once was a young man from Clewyd
Who applied to become a druid
There was gross masturbation
At his initiation
In a flood of seminal fluid

There once was a man from Iraq
Had a shit and got sand up his crack

arsene york-hunt 4:16 Wed Aug 1
Re: New Limerick Thread
A young girl got caught in the rain,
It's something she won't do again
Her motor broke down,
On the way back from town
Next time she will go by the train.

There once was a young man from Clewyd
Who applied to become a druid

Mike Oxsaw 11:28 Wed Aug 1
Re: New Limerick Thread
Been back at work just over a week
Another holiday's what I seek
As town gigolo,
It's not where you go,
But having a knob made of teak.

A young girl got caught in the rain,
It's something she won't do again.

Far East Hammer 11:42 Tue Jul 31
Re: New Limerick Thread
I got to the airport on time,
But "Cancelled", it said on the sign
I ended up in a row
When they said "come tomorrow"
I told them it just wasn't fine

Been back at work just over a week
Another holiday's what I seek

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