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Q: 2017/18 The RealWestHamFans March on March 10th
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Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

chim chim cha boo 6:21 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Here's another from last night.

What do you call a hen looking at some lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad.

chim chim cha boo 1:34 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I went to see Simon Day (Brian Pern/ Tommy Cockles/ Billy Bleach) last night and heard some crackers.

'I went to the fertility clinic and the doctor said 'I want you to wank in the cup please?'

I said 'well I'm pretty good but not sure I'm up to international standard'.

WSM Hammer 12:13 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Player - Position - Annual Salary - Weekly Wage
Javier Hernandez - F - £7,280,000 - £140,000
Joe Hart - GK - £6,032,000 - £116,000
Marko Arnautovic - M - £5,200,000 - £100,000
Andy Carroll - F - £4,680,000 - £90,000
Jose Fonte - D - £3,900,000 - £75,000
Pablo Zabaleta - D - £3,900,000 - £75,000
Michail Antonio - M - £3,640,000 - £70,000
Manuel Lanzini - M - £3,640,000 - £70,000
Angelo Ogbonna - D - £3,640,000 - £70,000
Winston Reid - D - £3,640,000 - £70,000
Cheikhou Kouyate - M - £3,120,000 - £60,000
Pedro Obiang - M - £2,860,000 - £55,000
Aaron Cresswell - D - £2,600,000 £50,000
Mark Noble - M - £2,600,000 - £50,000
Adrian - GK - £2,600,000 - £50,000
Arthur Masuaku - D - £2,080,000 - £40,000
James Collins - D - £1,820,000 - £35,000
Sam Byram - D £1,560,000 - £30,000
Edimilson Fernandes - M - £1,560,000 - £30,000
Josh Cullen - M - £416,000 - £8,000
Domingos Quina - M - £416,000 - £8,000
Sead Haksabanovic - M - £260,000 - £5,000
Declan Rice - M - £52,000 - £1,000

COOL HAND LUKE 12:00 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road and they saw that there was some corn just across the ditch by the road.
The horse walked over to eat the corn.
Before he got to the corn he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud.
So he tells the chicken, “Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud.”
When the chicken gets to the farm house, he can’t find anybody to help him get the horse out of the mud.
However, he notices that there is a Mercedes parked in the driveway and the keys are in the ignition.
The chicken drives the Mercedes back down the road, ties a rope he found to the Mercedes and throws the other end to the horse.
In a jiffy the horse is out of the mud.
The two proceed down the road again.
And again they see some more corn on the side of the road.
This time the chicken crosses over the ditch to get the corn.
And as luck would have it, the chicken gets stuck in the mud.
The chicken tells the horse, “Hey, go get that Mercedes and pull me out of this mud.”
The horse surveys the problem and says, “I think I can straddle this ditch because it is not too big and when I do just grab my dick and I’ll pull you out of the mud.”
The horse does as he say sand the chicken is pulled out of the mud.
So what is the moral of this story?
>
>
When you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks!

Aalborg Hammer 8:29 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Sat here watching the winter Olympics...

So far I've learnt, David Beckham isn't the only person who has gone down on a skeleton.

Helmut Shown 12:06 Tue Feb 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Two young boys talking to each other, one says:
"what's your biggest ambition?"
The other replies:
" I want a cock as big as my brothers so I can hold it with four fingers when I piss.
"Well that's not much of an ambition" replies the other" I can hold my cock with four fingers when I piss"
"Yes" exclaims the other one "but you piss on the last two fingers"

claret on my shirt 1:58 Mon Feb 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
After Pards said Gareth Barry and Johnny Evans will never play for the club again after stealing a taxi outside of a fast food restaurant in Barcelona earlier in the week, 8 other West Brom players have admitted to being in the back of the taxi!

riosleftsock 9:04 Sun Feb 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Jimmy Savile, Gary Glitter and Brendon Cox walk into a bar in Ireland.
The landlord says "not yewtree again".

The Stoat 6:31 Fri Feb 16
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Ive been trying to get my girlfriend to stimulate me sexually with her keyring but she keeps fobbing me off.

BillyBondsBirthday 11:24 Wed Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Bloke goes into a florists and says he wants a big Valentines bouquet for his wife.

Florist says, are you looking for anything in particular?

Bloke says, well ideally a blow job.

jfk 11:03 Wed Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Robbie Williams, Kylie and Elton are walking in London when Kylie stumbles and gets her head wedged between railings. Quick as a flash Robbie pulls up her skirt, knickers down and start shagging her. Robbie says to Elton- your go next. Then Elton starts crying. What’s up asks Robbie. Elton says “my head won’t fit between the railings!

Queens Fish Bar 9:18 Wed Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Roses are red
Violets are twisted
Bend over now
You're about to get fisted.

Mad Dog 3:27 Wed Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Wife just said that 3 of the girls had bouquets of flowers delivered to their office. "They're gorgeous" she said.

"That's probably why they got flowers then" I replied

joyo 2:41 Wed Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Asked the Mrs what she wants for Valentine's. She said "I'll give you a clue, an Ex England goalie"
She's expecting Flowers. She's getting Seaman.

Aalborg Hammer 8:44 Wed Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
The Hobbit stars Martin Freeman and Andy Serkis are in the new movie “Black Panther” as the Tolkien white guys.

Mirkwood 6:16 Mon Feb 12
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
For just £3.00 a month you can help us reduce poverty by sponsoring a local prostitute in Haiti.

Jarza 4:06 Wed Feb 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Alborg...

I heard this
"That's a picture of me when I played for Juventus"
as
"That's a picture of me when I was Andy Carroll, playing for Newcaste"

lars 12:51 Wed Feb 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A friend has just spent £95 plus VAT on a penis enlarger.

Buggers sent him a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight!

Aalborg Hammer 12:38 Wed Feb 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Bloke comes home for work and asks the wife if she'd like to play a sex game. He says "I've got flavoured condoms and you have to guess the flavour" "OK" she says. "Cheese and Onion??"

"Wait a minute,I haven't put one on yet!!"

Willtell 11:54 Wed Feb 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Keep to the thread title and only post jokes on here Aalborg lol?

Aalborg Hammer 10:44 Wed Feb 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
The horse and the donkey are best mates .One day the donkey's round the horses' stable and there's a picture on the wall of the
horse winning the Grand National.
The donkey's very impressed but feels he has to do something to impress the horse the next time he comes round.
The donkey buys a picture of a zebra and puts it up in his shed...
The next time the horse comes round the donkey says "That's a picture of me when I played for Juventus"

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