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Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
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Mirkwood 9:22 Fri Apr 27
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

arsene york-hunt 1:38 Thu Apr 26
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A West Indian man returns from the doctor and puts on his best suit.

His wife asks why he is dressing up so smartly

He replies: "De doctor say I's impotant, so i's gonna dress like an impo'tant man.

Helmut Shown 11:32 Wed Apr 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A Millwall supporter walks into the doctors with a frog on his head.
",How did you get that?" The doctor asks
The frog replies: "Well it all started with a boil on my bum!"

Mirkwood 11:27 Wed Apr 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
That was funny..lol

Aalborg Hammer 10:31 Wed Apr 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I got caught shoplifting a leg of lamb from our local supermarket.

"What are you doing with that?" asked the security guard

I replied "new potatoes, peas, mint sauce and gravy would be nice"

joe royal 2:15 Sat Apr 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.

Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
"Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife shoulder, and asks,
"Honey, please...just one more time before I die."

She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.

The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses.
"Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."

At this point the wife sits up and says,
"Listen, I have to get up in the morning.
YOU DON’T!!!

Exiled In Ireland 3:58 Fri Apr 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I went to the Doctorr as I had a pain in my elbow.

Dr said " You will have to stop masturbating"

I said " Why"

Dr said " Because I need to examine you".

Bungo 1:54 Fri Apr 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Angel of Death: I have killed the firstborn of Egypt
God: Killed?! You were supposed to “thrill” them! You know, take them out for a night on the town
Angel of Death: But…but…
God: Hahaha, you should see your face. No I definitely wanted those kids dead

Aalborg Hammer 12:31 Fri Apr 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
When I first noticed that my penis was growing larger
And staying erect longer, I was delighted, as was my wife.

But... After several weeks, my penis had grown fifty centimeters.

I Became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing, and even walking, as it was starting to drag on the ground.
So the wife and I went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to us that,
Though rare, my condition (Donkey Doodle) could be fixed through corrective Surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" my wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," Said my wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?

Aalborg Hammer 11:12 Wed Apr 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'. Apparently Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life. Must be the same ring I put on when I got married

Helmut Shown 11:42 Sat Apr 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A labourer goes to the doctor and says "you"ve got to help me I haven't shit for two weeks"
The doctor says "take your trouser and pants off and bend over the table, I'll examine you"
He looks up his arse and says "I think I can see the problem, I'll just stick this instrument in your rectum"
All of a sudden there is an explosion of shit covering the doctor and his desk.
"Oh I'm so sorry doc I couldnt help it." Says the labourer
The doctor says "thats ok, but when you're back on site please don't wipe your arse on old cement bags any more"

ray winstone 8:54 Fri Apr 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I saw Zaha in town today.
I said, Can you sign my shirt?
He said, Have you got a pen?
I said, Shit, no. Hang on.
With that I threw myself on the floor, rolled over theatrically and began to cry. He said, How's that going to get a pen? I said, Well that's how you Fucking do it.

ray winstone 5:00 Mon Apr 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
When I realised Margaret Thatcher was dead, I did a double fist pump and shouted, "Fucking brilliant!"

Everyone around me was disgusted, and looking back, I suppose it was out of order.

Especially as I was the first paramedic at the scene............

Aalborg Hammer 10:10 Mon Apr 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tits a lot.

JonWHUFC 2:48 Thu Apr 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
It was so cold at Anfield last night that the Scousers had to put their hands in their own pockets!

Aalborg Hammer 12:18 Thu Apr 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Not see a scouser this excited over one leg..............
since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills

Jasnik 10:07 Fri Mar 30
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Hey Ted who is this Jay bloke?

Keep dreaming 9:46 Thu Mar 29
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Here's a bad joke

David Sullivan

Keep dreaming 9:44 Thu Mar 29
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Lol

lab 9:43 Thu Mar 29
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A skoda .?

Keep dreaming 9:41 Thu Mar 29
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Lab, what plane has windows you can wind down?

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