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Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
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Willtell 10:05 Sat Mar 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.

When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:

'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.

As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.

'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a Miracle.'

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.

Willtell 10:00 Sat Mar 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Q. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?

A. A bus shelter.

Willtell 9:59 Sat Mar 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Q. What do you call a 27 year old Liverpool girl?
A. Granny.

Willtell 9:51 Sat Mar 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A Liverpool girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the welfare officer. "Ten" replies the Liverpool girl.

"Ten?" says the welfare worker. "What are their names?"

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Liverpool girl, "It's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!' or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare worker.

"That's easy," says the Liverpool girl.. "I just use their surnames"

cuzoftheeast 1:16 Sat Mar 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I haven't spoken to my mother in law in a year - well, I hate to interrupt her

Manip 12:20 Sat Mar 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Made me laugh anyway.


Aalborg Hammer 1:32 Fri Mar 16
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
DON'T join the Tesco dating service,whatever you do,my mate did and he ended up with a bag for life

The Stoat 1:09 Thu Mar 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Did you know the the Magnificent Seven once filmed an aftershave commercial at Anfield?

Actually only six of them took part because .......

Yul never wore cologne

whoareya 1:07 Thu Mar 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
West Ham was offered, 40mii sponsor but declined the offer as Winalot did not seem appropriate.

Cor Blimey 4:44 Wed Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Stephen Hawking has died. Have they tried switching him off then on again?

Far East Hammer 3:19 Wed Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Police investigating a 50p coin thrown at the directors at a recent West Ham game have discovered it was in fact a takeover bid.

Aalborg Hammer 8:45 Wed Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" was originally serialised in two local newspapers. It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times. 

Iron Filings 3:35 Tue Mar 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
The Liverpool Arts Council are pleased to announce they have received funding for an exciting new film project. Starring Ken Dodd and Jamie Carragher, the remake of I Spit on Your Grave will be released in the Autumn

jack flash 11:31 Fri Mar 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Bloke comes home to see his girlfriend having been working away

They haven't had sex for months, so they rip each others clothes off & dive straight on to the bed

He's only just started thrusting away when he's aware of her arching her back, her toes curling up with each thrust & she's squealing away

He thinks to himself, "Wow she's really enjoying this!"

Then he notices tears streaming down her face

She suddenly screams "Stop!"

"What's wrong honey?" he asks "I thought you were enjoying it"

She says "Yes but give me a chance to take my tights off!"

Willtell 10:54 Fri Mar 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
ted fenton 2:07
Ha ha ha ha ha!

Joe C 10:34 Fri Mar 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Chris Eubank has published a book on ethics.

If it’s successful, his next one will be on Kent

Mad Dog 5:43 Thu Mar 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Statistically 4/5 of participants like gang rape

mtchammer 5:28 Thu Mar 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
It’s sad news about the NME closing...
I used to keep mine in a pile near my bed, just in front of my US sitcom DVDs...
I’d keep my Friends close, and my NMEs closer!

ted fenton 2:07 Thu Mar 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Does anyone know how to fix a sat-nav?... ...Mine is broken, it keeps telling me Tottenham's in europe.

ray winstone 1:53 Thu Mar 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Two Scouser's go to Amsterdam on holiday. They go to a brothel and ask if they have got a fat ginger bird with no teeth, a heroin habit and a minge like a vandalised bus seat. The Madam says, "You boys are kinky." They reply, "No not really, we're just looking for our Mum!"

Aalborg Hammer 12:37 Thu Mar 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Life is all about perspective.The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

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