WHO Poll
Q: 2022 Summer Transfer Window - How many 1st team players will we sign before August 6th
a. None as Sullivan will wait until the last week before he gets his scattergun out the cupboard
b. A couple of freebies paraded as superstars, usual hype to follow
c. I'm more optimistic as surely they know we need to strengthen, 3-4 with decent money spent.
d. Who gives a toss as we have a great squad already, I've already ordered the new replica kit, socks and all and can't wait to wear it at our first game, down the pub of course, I bleed claret & blue

Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

ted fenton 1:17 Tue Jul 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I go fishing
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is the cure for your wife's problem and what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing."

Aalborg Hammer 9:24 Tue Jul 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I was in B & Q and I said to the girl "Have you got anything for greasy ovens ?" and she said "Ammonia cleaner " I said "I'm sorry,I thought you worked here"

Aalborg Hammer 9:16 Tue Jul 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I've just finished reading a cracking book "Fights on a Narrowboat" by R.G.Bargee

Coffee 7:59 Sat Jul 2
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My mate Tony asked me not to say his name backwards. Why not, I asked?

Aalborg Hammer 12:51 Fri Jun 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Chromosomes: the third gender --
XX = Female
XY = Male
YI = Geordie

ted fenton 11:12 Wed Jun 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

wd40 11:02 Wed Jun 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Forgot about that one ted thanks
I'll use it at work today.

eswing hammer 8:48 Tue Jun 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Aalborg Hammer 6:16 Tue Jun 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Been up town drinking, now its late, missed the last bus, no taxi available, no way home
No problem. Go to nearest Indian take away, order a meal for delivery to your house and jump in with the driver

ted fenton 12:10 Tue Jun 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Absolutely disgusting behaviour on Clacton beach about an hour ago !!!!
I saw a man & a woman having an almighty argument in front of some young kids when suddenly she smacked the bloke on the head & it all kicked off. There was a massive brawl & someone called the police. This poor copper turned up on his own & took his baton to the bloke, the guy managed to snatch it off him & started whacking the copper AND his wife. I couldn't believe what l was seeing. Then out of nowhere a crocodile crept up & stole all the sausages!

One of the better Golden Oldies ;-)

With Kind Regards 1:05 Fri Jun 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I was just behind Adam Ant in the queue for ice cream. He got a standard vanilla…

boleyn8420 8:39 Wed Jun 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
At Ascot today I was going to have £5 EW on the Dalai Llama
If only I was a Tibetan man

Aalborg Hammer 1:10 Wed Jun 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car??
Feeling sick while paying for it ?
You've got the Car Owner virus !

MrTrentReznor 2:52 Mon Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
ted fenton 1:57 Mon Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

The author ties his shoe laces with his cock hanging out?

ted fenton 1:57 Mon Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"I have outlived my
The Penis Poem -- by Willie Nelson
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the f***in' thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

ted fenton 1:53 Sun Jun 12
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"
"Is that you, Frank?"
"Yes, I've come back as we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to the golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"
"No -- I'm a fucking rabbit somewhere in Scotland"

Helmut Shown 12:10 Fri Jun 10
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A bloke goes to a prostitute and asks what can he get for twenty quid. The prostitute tells him he can do cunnilingus on her.
He gets down to it but stops as there is something in his mouth. He spits it out to see a pea. He resumes plating the prostitute but stops again and spits out a bit of carrot.
He says to the prostitute “what’s going on here”
She replies “oh it’s alright the last bloke to do that threw up”

Dowies Love Child 6:08 Sat Jun 4
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A friend of mine always used to tell me that the first rule of the theatre was to always leave them wanting more.

Lovely bloke, terrible anesthetist.

Aalborg Hammer 7:26 Fri Jun 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I watched my son walk back to the pavilion.

"Well done son" I said "you'll play for England one day".

"Dad" he replied "I was bowled out for a duck, twice".

"I know son, I know " I answered.

Sir Alf 1:05 Fri Jun 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Aalborg Hammer 7:04 Fri May 20

Clever , ag ! :-)

Matthew Holmes 11:54 Fri Jun 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Lester Piggott's funeral is on Wednesday – starting at twenty to one.

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