WHO Poll
Q: 2023/24 Hopes & aspirations for this season
a. As Champions of Europe there's no reason we shouldn't be pushing for a top 7 spot & a run in the Cups
24%
  
b. Last season was a trophy winning one and there's only one way to go after that, I expect a dull mid table bore fest of a season
17%
  
c. Buy some f***ing players or we're in a battle to stay up & that's as good as it gets
19%
  
d. Moyes out
37%
  
e. New season you say, woohoo time to get the new kit and wear it it to the pub for all the big games, the wags down there call me Mr West Ham
3%
  



Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Helmut Shown 7:45 Sun Apr 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
In our family it is a tradition at a funeral for the bereaved partner to throw the wreath over their shoulder to see who catches and is the next to die.

joyo 3:13 Sat Apr 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A peado priest sympathiser,a conspiracy theorist and an Italian tramp walk into a bar
So the barman says "The usual class of cheap wine again goose?"

Aalborg Hammer 1:00 Sat Apr 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A couple visit a restaurant .The waiter takes their order for octopus.
The waiter says " The octopus will take four hours to cook" "Four hours to cook an octopus!!?"
"Yes,he keeps turning the gas off"

Aalborg Hammer 5:00 Thu Apr 4
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Why do bees stay in their hives in the winter?

Swarm

Mike Oxsaw 11:09 Sun Mar 31
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Auditions are currently taking place for the next blockbuster American disaster movie : "A Bridge Too Few."

Mike Oxsaw 11:22 Thu Mar 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes.
The asylum seeker says "I'm hungry."

(POW!!!) A huge banquet appears!

He then says "Now | want a nice house."

(POW!!) A big mansion with a swimming pool appears.

He then says"! want to be British."

(POW!!) everything vanishes!

He asks "Where has everything gone?"

The fairy says "You're British now mate, you're entitled to fuck all."

Aalborg Hammer 7:39 Thu Mar 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Jesus and the disciples go into the Garden of Gethsemane bistro for the last supper - Peter says "Table for 26 please"
"But there's only 13 of you" says the waiter "Yes ,but we're only sitting on one side"

Aalborg Hammer 6:36 Mon Mar 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Just cost me a pound , yes , one English pound ,to put air in my car tyres .Used to be 20p - suppose that's inflation for you

Aalborg Hammer 1:15 Fri Mar 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My mate used to call his wedding anniversary day "Bruce Lee day" 'cos he used to go home and Enter the Dragon

Aalborg Hammer 2:36 Thu Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A bloke comes home from work * and says to his wife "Do you want to try a new sex position? " "OK" she says "What do I have to do?"
He says "It's called the wheelbarrow - take all your clothes off and lie on the floor face down - I'll pick your legs up, enter you from behind and you set off walking on your hands"
"OK" she says "but don't go past my Mum's house"

*Not the same bloke as the flavoured condom joke

MaryMillingtonsGhost 1:21 Thu Mar 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Koi fish always travel in groups of four.
If attacked, Koi A, B and C will scatter, leaving behind the D Koi.

Aalborg Hammer 1:10 Wed Mar 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I got a call from my son's school today...
"Hello ,is that Mr.Jenkins?"
"Yes ,how can I help??"
"Hi,this is little Billy's music teacher"
"Oh-hello"
"Yeah hi,I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands"
"Really ?? Wow!!"
"Yeah- we found him dead on the toilet"

Aalborg Hammer 2:38 Tue Mar 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang Wooden Heart?”
He said "No...This is the pirate version"

Aalborg Hammer 2:34 Tue Feb 27
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Dogs can't operate MRI machines - cats can

Briano 4:35 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Knock knock

Who’s there

Impatient cow

ImpatMOO

OK_Guy 2:00 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
what do you call a blind German?





...a 'not see'

Aalborg Hammer 12:41 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Bloke comes home from work and says to his wife " Do you fancy a sex game??" " Ok" she says " What do I have to do?" He says "I've got a box of flavoured condoms,all you've got to is guess which is which" She dives under the table and says " Cheese and onion?" He says " Hold on,I haven't put one on yet"

arsene york-hunt 9:07 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My all time favourite from Tommy Cooper:

They say 1 in 5 of the world's population is Chinese.

Well there are 5 in my family.

There's Mum and Dad, Me my brother Dave and my other brother Chang Lee..........





I think it's Dave

joyo 3:07 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Why does the modern day Italian navy buy glass bottomed ships?
So that they can see the old Italian navy.

boleyn8420 1:19 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
How do you tell when a clock is hungry

It goes back four seconds

chim chim cha boo 4:48 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I used to cringe at some of the shitty jokes on here but now look back with nostalgia, realising that you are keeping the memory of dear old Ted Fenton, king of the shit joke +and the weather forecast) alive, God bless him.

So carry on boys.

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