WHO Poll
Q: 2017/18 Watford (a)
a. Moyes first game & like the postman he'll deliver, win.
b. A tough first game for Moyes it'll be a test alright & I expect a point, draw.
c. Different day and it'll be the same shit, lose.
d. We should be pleaed the football's back but after the last humiliation and the Board's ineptitude, my passion for WHU has been sucked out of me
e. I can't wait me, I'm our biggest fan and once again will be down the Rub a Dub kitted out and belting out David Moysie's Blue & Claret Army, I know all the songs me

Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

claret upstart 5:25 Tue Nov 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Had a knock on the door last night and when I opened it there was a group of lads there. They sang some songs and then elbowed me in the face. Turned out they were Andy Carollers.

Helmut Shown 8:20 Sun Nov 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Why would you not want to celebrate Shrove Tuesday with any member of the current West Ham team?

They're all useless tossers

The Stoat 1:13 Sun Nov 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A bloke walked into Waterstones and asked the assitant

"Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"

The girl said, "I don't think it's in yet"

He said, "Yeah, that's the one.

The Stoat 6:44 Tue Nov 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Have you ever noticed how a lot of F1 drivers share their names with Scottish places?

Stirling Moss

Eddie Irvine

Lewis Hamilton

Ayr Town Centre.

Rio or Anton or Les 11:56 Mon Nov 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Nothing on the "Joke thread" for a while??

Watch this space tomorrow morning, apparently there will be a joke.

ted fenton 10:04 Fri Nov 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

I rang my mate Stan and his wife answered:

"I wanted to wish you and Stan a good holiday," I said. "You fly from Essex tomorrow, don't you?"

She said, "Stansted."

"Blimey," I thought, "he seemed absolutely fine last week."
RIP Stan.

ian.d.canio 11:58 Thu Nov 2
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
West Ham vs Liverpool
K.O. moved to 5.30pm
The Prem initially offered them an option of 4.00pm Sunday 5th but this was rejected by LFC as they said that due to the Sunday services on West of England Trains to Lime Street, this would not allow the Loyal Travelling Red supporters time to get home and ready/fresh for “work” on Monday Morning.
This was wholly rejected as a defence by the Prem as blatantly false.
It was only accepted when LFC retracted the statement and amended it to read “Time to get home and ready/fresh to “Sign On” on Monday Morning.

ian.d.canio 11:57 Thu Nov 2
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
West Ham vs Liverpool
K.O. moved to 5.30pm

Following an impassioned plea from The Spirt of Shankly Supporters association and LFC to the F.A./Premier League that the match should be rescheduled to 5.30pm to allow the loyal Reds travelling fans to be able to absorb the 2012 legacy that is the Olympic Park, its cultural benefits, the Arcelor Mittal Orbit, Parks, waterways, Café’s and the fantastic work that the LDDC have achieved.
In addition, extoll their Quirky Charm, Cheeky Liverpudlian Humour and “joie de vie” to cheer up the Hard Working, Financially burdened, Cynical, Dour Cockney’s
Basically translates:
The lads will have an extra couple of hour to:
A) Rob the shit out of West End on route from Euston and then top up at Westfield if they missed/forgotten anything “nice one La”
B) Hold a March/Demo to commemorate 28yrs and 203 Days since the Hillsborough disaster in case the “Soft Lads” don’t remember. “Lest we Forget”
C) Try and adjust to life in the 21st Century “La”.
D) And due to the increased Security at O.S. from last season’s visit, send a scouting party to assess how they can breach Security and blag in the “loyal Red Travelling supporters” without Match Tickets. “Nice One” “Sound”

ted fenton 11:28 Wed Nov 1
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"Hello The Savoy Hotel, reception speaking" "I'd like to report a wine stain in my room" "Relax, the police are on their way madam" "I said wine stain"

Aalborg Hammer 6:05 Tue Oct 31
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Jewish Kamikaze pilot- crashed his plane in his brothers' scrapyard

kirok1 1:37 Sat Oct 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Side effect - all too true. Though the lovely concrete block going up at the top of Station Road is no joke.

side effect 1:08 Sat Oct 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Crossrail Harold Wood. They have built a whole new housingl estate opposite whilst in the space of thembarrassment last year and half still not completed a new ticket office.

claret on my shirt 11:53 Fri Oct 27
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
So he decides to test this theory. He convenes all the couples he can find at a special seminar.

He then starts by asking the many people in the audience. How many people here make love once a day?

Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.

Once a week?

A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.

"How many of you make love once a month? A few hands tepidly go up. No grins could be sighted.

Then he asks, OK, how about once a year? To his shock, one man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands and whistling.

The therapist is shockedthis man's reaction completely disproves his theory! If you make love only once a year, he asks, why are you so happy?

The man yells, Todays the day!

joyo 2:01 Thu Oct 26
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I'm looking to buy /rent place in north London, nothing flash anyone help? Just a two up and three down. Cheers

ted fenton 2:52 Tue Oct 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself
to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins,cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the
table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what happened last night?
''Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black
eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asked his son,'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies,'Oh THAT...Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!' Broken coffee Table £239.99 Hot breakfast £4.20 Two aspirins 38p
Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS

Willtell 10:12 Tue Oct 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Swiss had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So Swiss stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.

Swiss figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his Belgium home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and once again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right onto the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Swiss was awakened the next morning by his boyfriend standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?" "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

ted fenton 9:06 Tue Oct 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Thomas The Tank Engine - HILARIOUS!

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.

ted fenton 11:55 Sat Oct 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My ugly neighbour just walked past as I was trying to put out the fire I'd accidentally started in my wheelie bin...
She said, "Bonfire night isn't for another two weeks."
"Neither is Halloween," I replied.

Willtell 7:02 Thu Oct 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Not at all ray. Swiss makes insults out of the blue on another thread so I take the piss out of the cunt.

They're still jokes on the joke thread and I like to amuse my fellow WHOers...

ray winstone 6:58 Thu Oct 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Willtell 6:03 Thu Oct 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A farmer saw our old mate Swiss scooping water into his mouth from a stream. "I wouldn't drink that as my cows piss and shit in it all the time."

"Could you speak slowly? I'm actually from Pakistan and live in Switzerland so don't speak English very well", said Swiss.

"I said,you'd do better if you used both hands to scoop up the water", replied the farmer.

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