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EdHammer 3:03 Fri Dec 8
Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
I've been asked to host our company Christmas party this weekend, as the cost of hiring a real host was too much.

The venue and the event has gone over budget.

There will be 100 people coming to the event and I have no script or opening lines/gags!

Any good jokes, opening lines or ideas would be much appreciated.

Cheers people.

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Hammer and Pickle 1:16 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
You are not witty Johnson.

Why bother with the internet at all?

Johnson 1:14 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
I hope your client isn’t covering all your drinks Herr Thickle, you’ll bankrupt them. They’re only applying for UK dole via your services as it is.

Hammer and Pickle 1:12 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Christ.

Nurse Ratched 1:11 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Better slosh on the BLUE STRATOS, Neil.

Or DENIM ("For the man who doesn't have to try...TOO hard")

neilalex 1:09 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
There are several dollies in the typing pool. Hors d'ouevres.

Hammer and Pickle 1:07 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
You seem to be a bit of a Christmas party pro, Ratched.

Nurse Ratched 1:05 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
I can see Neil getting excited over cheese-and-pineapple on cocktail sticks. Slapping the arse of the dolly in the typing pool. Swearing blind he'll resist the Cinzano Bianco, no matter how desperate be gets, but alas...

neilalex 12:30 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Free drink and food all night. It has an effect on working class people like catnip. I know because it still does it for me, albeit I can afford to pay for my own.

As for the hosting bit, I wouldn't worry. No-one will be in the slightest interested in what you have to say they will be gagging for free food and DRAANK. Thank them all for their professionalism/contribution/efforts and that's it.

Hammer and Pickle 12:22 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Client has invited me to one.

Would be awkward not to press photocopier button.

Nurse Ratched 12:21 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Do people get ORDERED by their bosses to attend these things? If not I fail to understand why anybody would.

Mike Oxsaw 12:12 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Wank into the punch bowl.

For added festive drama, chuckle "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and do so while guests are serving themselves from it.

TML.

Nurse Ratched 12:04 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
That's not likely to be to my advantage.

gph 12:02 Sat Dec 9
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
NR isn't Oscar Wilde - doesn't give a shit whether people are talking about her or not.

PS They are

Nurse Ratched 11:59 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
We've already had ours.





I didn't go.

aldgate 9:25 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
smile a lot while welcoming everyone - thank everyone in the audience for being great all year and start clapping - they'll soon follow and you can walk off in a warm glow and enjoy yourself

Mike Oxsaw 7:20 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Do your opening speech in Arabic, wearing a full-on dish-dash & back-pack combo.

Side of Ham 5:19 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
worm 3:10 Fri Dec 8

Do you really think you are wriggle out of it that easily?

Billy Blagg

Sounds like you organised an orgy not a party

Ilford Hammer 5:06 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I'm late, I just popped to the toilet. And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said 'I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.'

Straight away you've got them by the jaffas.

Billy Blagg 4:58 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
I got a divorce, lost a house and got a second marriage from the last Christmas party I organised. So NO I have no advice to give.

Swiss. 4:15 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
Don't do anything sitting down or you'll end up sitting next and opposite to a bore. So standing up and finger food.

Some tribute siger like Any Winhouse and some punch which tastes like soft fruit juice but will have everyone legless. Look up Miliary Punch

goose 3:57 Fri Dec 8
Re: Hosting a Company Christmas Party....need help
i laughed.

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