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Peckham 3:19 Sat Feb 6
Kriss Akabusi
Great interview on Hammers Chat.
Brought back memories of this nutty post for some reason.

Courtesy of Mad Dog.

Akabusi sat in his Vauxhall Corsa as it passed through the car wash humming the theme tune from Record Breakers. All the windows were soaped up and no one could see in so, for the briefest moments, he thought about having a w*nk. But his two kids were in the back so he decided against it.

After dropping them off at school, Akabusi was at a loss as to how to fill his day. He was delivering a motivational speech to a bunch of spastics tonight in Stevenage so he didn't want to over do it. He felt a twinge in his back. It had been aching since him and John Fashanu had wrestled naked in front of a roaring fire at Fash's £128,700 mansion in Hemel Hempstead. Akabusi had smashed a porcelain bust of Justin and he had had to leave.

Before he knew it he was at a massage parlour and had paid his £10 entry. Before he could get to the changing rooms he slipped out of his pin stripe dungerees and could feel the fragrant steam of the sauna tickle his massive balls like a poacher under a trout.

He applied a towel to his lower torso, barely able to conceal his pulsating ebony fire hydrant. He stepped into the room and lay down on the pleather massage table pushing his face through the hole and letting his cock hang over the side.

Behind him the door opened and Akabusi's pussy senses were raised to Severe. The aroma of chicken and sweetcorn soup and Morecambe Bay cockles hit him like a steam train and he knew right then that he would sire another child.

Small hands covered in oil began to explore his muscular, Nigerian coffee coloured bodywork. As the girl's hands reached his proud buttocks he tried everything in his power to conceal a huge fart he had been brewing since he'd parked in the multi storey car park.

When the girl slipped a greasy little finger up his April he let out a yelp and nearly roared "Awooga" but he stopped himself. The hands of the girl motioned him to turn over, which he duly did.

His eyes found a young Chinese girl wearing a little white tunic which he knew concealed a pair of juicy little bristols and almost certainly a clunge as ripe and yellow as a week old banana. As he lay on his back, blood rushed into his veiny Tower of Pisa quicker than Asians into a Cash And Carry at 8.59am. He lay there looking like a chocolate drawing pin as the girl starting applying more and more oil. He was so hard and tall that he worried slightly that the price of oil may be affected by his erection.

Her tiny hands kneeded his giant oak and at one point Akabusi half thought she was an Ewok trying to climb a Giant Red on Endor. He leapt up and ripped open her tunic revealing, as he had suspected, a gorgeous set of two tits, nipples as dark as Green and Black 70% and a pussy so wet and hairless he was reminded of Duncan Goodhew.

He dived into her like a released rapist and set about plunging into every orifice that was available and some that were not. Within hours he was on his vinegars and let rip with such a gush of spunk that the poor girl tried in vein to make a call to the Morecambe Bay coastguard.

Spent, sweating and panting Akabusi untangled his yawning plonker and slipped on his dungerees. The girl, who later from police reports he found was called Hi Tide Run, lay on the floor, a shredded mess of manfat, baby oil, matted hair and rice. Akabusi looked at his Casio watch/calculator and saw that the spastic thing started in 20 minutes. He bent down over the Chinese meal he had just demolished, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

norwaytips 1:39 Tue Feb 9
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Always liked the bloke. Best mates with my younger brother; they were in the army together: and often gets down to visit him. They also went to a lot of games together and I imagine they will again.

bruuuno 12:26 Tue Feb 9
Re: Kriss Akabusi
About 15-20 years ago when I was a student I somehow had akabussis number on my phone. I was off my tits one night in the early hours and thought it would be funny to call him and pretend to be John fashanu. As it was about 4am it went to voicemail so I left a message pertaining to be from fash, saying I needed him to come and rescue me.

I passed out not long after and woke up a day later to find a voicemail from a worried kris who had thought I was fash in trouble and called me back. I felt like a right cunt as kris is a top bloke, it seemed hilarious at the time

Peckham 8:14 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi


*Mad Dog the second thread you feature mate. Very Alfie-esque.

There are loads of them, articulate lengthy Kriss Akabusi erotica posts ag ag back in the day Pancho posted.

Claret Badger and all having a pop.

No idea how Kriss became the topic that went well weird and pervy.

madeeasy 5:21 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
If you have a spare hour listen to this


Akabusi had some beginning and listening to this brings a tear to the eye.

The good thing is that Colin Murray hardly speaks and leaves it to Akabusi, great great interview/chat

Mr Kenzo 1:46 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Defend yourself at all times Soldo :)

Northern Sold 1:40 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Fucking hell Kenzo ... one right in the Solar Plexus's there...

Vexed 12:26 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi

Mr Kenzo 12:11 Mon Feb 8


Nurse Ratched 12:22 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Hehe, I know. Just teasing.

Mr Kenzo 12:19 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
I don't pick on you Nurse, we differ on the Cats v Dogs argument granted

Nurse Ratched 12:16 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Glad to know it's not just me who Kenzo picks on. The rotten BRUTE.

Mr Kenzo 12:11 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
*Had a chat with him in the concourse of the New Den after the great unwashed smashed us 4.1... only time never see him laugh.*

I don't think it was because of the Football

Northern Sold 2:32 Mon Feb 8
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Had a chat with him in the concourse of the New Den after the great unwashed smashed us 4.1... only time never see him laugh...

gank 5:34 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Shut up Crassus you pathetic excuse for a man, all bold and bald typing on a phone powered by a bicycle with no wheels because you haven't got a socket in the cardboard box you live in. Slotted. Endex.

Crassus 4:38 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
normannomates 8:41 Sun Feb 7

I haven't got a fucking clue what you are on about?
Never been homeless and up here in N Bucks, where I have been happily residing since leaving East Ham

And as for 'swift and bold' - well I suggest that you just say no!

Mad Dog 3:59 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi

I remember there was a kits akabusi sex stories thread a few years back.

I don't remember contributing to it

And if I had it would have been copied and pasted from somewhere.

normannomates 8:50 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Pathetic excuse of a man

normannomates 8:45 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi

normannomates 8:41 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Still homeless Crassus?... Sorry.. The swift and bold cunt

normannomates 8:31 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
I don't get the OP/mad dog at all.. Is it supposed to be funny like?

normannomates 8:26 Sun Feb 7
Re: Kriss Akabusi
Don't know him, but grew up watching him back in the day giving it all he had.. top fella.. Ex PTI I believe?..
IF he was my PTI I reckon he would have knocked a fair few off my CFT.


Nurse Ratched 4:05 Sat Feb 6
Re: Kriss Akabusi
It's a chap thing, then. Like 'sharks'. I respect that. Vive la difference.

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