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Chris-e-boy
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Chris-e-boy was born in an igloo three years after his Immaculate Conception in 1947.
Chris-e-boy's long and varied career features many highlights including:
Stunt double for Johnny Weissmuller in Tarzan The Ape-Man in the scene where Tarzan stubs his toe on a particularly large tree;
also stunt double for Mickey Mouse in the film Fantasia after the real Mickey was concussed by a wayward strike from one of the dancing brooms. Chris-e-boy was also
Dick Van Dyke's vocal coach for the film Mary Poppins; without Chris-e-boy's expert training the noted American actor would never have been so convincing as cockney geezer Bert. In fact, so accurate was Van Dyke's portrayal, nobody suspected that he was a Septic until the US Government released the information in 1998 under the official secrets act.
Chris-e-boy has written many oft-quoted speeches for politicians of our time, including the Gettysburg Address for Abraham Lincoln; 'ich bin ein Berliner' for Kennedy; 'Rivers of Blood' for Enoch Powell, and 'Are we nearly there yet?' for Tony Blair.
Chris-e-boy was indirectly responsible for one of the most powerful political speeches of all time when a chance remark to an angling companion struck a chord. Whilst out fishing with good friend Martin Luther King, Chris-e-boy asked the great man: "Oi, Mazza, have you caught anything yet?" "Nuffing mate, not even a stickleback!" came the reply.Chris-e-boy responded with: "I have - a bream." And the rest, as they say, is history.
A prolific songwriter and musician, Chris-e-boy has written songs for such notables as Bob Dylan; Bruce Springsteen (the original lyrics to 'Born in the USA' were actually 'Born in an i-i gloo-oo' until Brucey pointed out that 'the USA' would scan better and probably sell more...); David Bowie; Iron Maiden and of course the celebrated South African whistler Roger Whittaker. He also co-wrote the popular Christmas carol 'Away In A Manger' with Elvis Presley who at the time was still known by his real name of Declan McManus.
A keen inventor, Chris-e-boy is responsible for many of the household items we take for granted in this modern age: The humble kettle; the waxed cardboard milk carton and the potato peeler are just some of the reasons that the modern housewife has a place in her prayers for Chris-e-boy.
Despite a packed work schedule Chris-e-boy still finds time for a little of what our Transatlantic cousins might term R&R. One particular favourite pastime is newt-wrestling, with a view to progressing steadily up through the reptile species towards the ultimate goal of crocodile wrestling; a sport much favoured by our Antipodean chums. Another favourite hobby is creating overly pompous sounding and blatantly untrue profiles. Just for the fun of it. Chris-e-boy is also the proud President of his local toad-baiting society.
Chris-e-boy is single and lives with his three wives in a tin shack in Regent's Park.
Maybe.
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