Vexed wrote: ↑01 Jan 2026, 10:11
This Pablo/Felipe/Jesus fella has ridiculous stats but looks as ordinary as I've ever seen on the various videos I've seen of him lolloping about accompanied by the standard YouTube shittest music imaginable.
I see those fraggle rock weirdos on Analytics United have done a video on him too but I can't be arsed to listen to probably an hour of Beaker chatting to Doogie Howser about fucking 'goal contribitions', 'ground duels' and generally making the game sound horrendously boring and cuntish. Fucking Gen Z for you.
I'd still much rather have Strand Larsen and I dont care that he will be expensive, I dont care if it makes Sully cry into his morning Spunkflakes, or makes him cough up his fucking spleen (this would be ideal) he needs to fucking get it done, the grubby little cսnt. I would have concerns if this Paul Phillip Pear Tree of Jesus chap is our only striker acquisition, we have no idea if he'll adapt to the Premier league but I suspect it's just our Mendes infestation putting another of his clients in the shop window while we are still considered to be a shop window worth looking at.
FUCK OFF WEST HAM
I trust Mendes more than Salthouse/Silkman.
I dont trust any of them but at least Mendes has a reason to not bend us over quite as badly as he normally would given Nuno is his client, mate and chief helmet polisher. Mendes also has a more extensive and higher quality list of cunts to foist onto us for financial gain than the other two bob prick. Also this seems to be progressing quickly, so that's handy.
There you go, new years fucking positives for you, I'm renewed, rebuilt, we are staying up, (insert tiresome mindless faux positivity phrase here) .. etc.
HNY Vexed.
To summarise the 'nerds' assessment of Pablo 2.0:
- Physically strong and competes well against the centre backs
- Works very hard out of possession, closing and harrying
- Gets a lot of shots on target.
- Whilst in a hot streak currently, the underlying numbers are the same from the previous season.
- Prone to misplacing passes
Basically saying he's a good thing but clearly not the finished article at 21. Think the quote from their extended pod was: "He treats duels with the CB as if he's going to war with them".
Scored a good goal against Brentford in pre-season....robbed and outfought Nathan Collins, before rifling it in from edge of the area.
Expect he gets a few goals before end of season, we go down, and then Mendes forces a sale to someone like Spurs.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 10:39
by John Drake
The cautionary tale is Fabio Silva who Wolves paid a shed load of money for and who was crap - and continues to be crap now he's at Borussia Dortmund
I'm assuming this transfer was during Nuno's tenure at the club.
Vexed wrote: ↑01 Jan 2026, 10:11
This Pablo/Felipe/Jesus fella has ridiculous stats but looks as ordinary as I've ever seen on the various videos I've seen of him lolloping about accompanied by the standard YouTube shittest music imaginable.
I see those fraggle rock weirdos on Analytics United have done a video on him too but I can't be arsed to listen to probably an hour of Beaker chatting to Doogie Howser about fucking 'goal contribitions', 'ground duels' and generally making the game sound horrendously boring and cuntish. Fucking Gen Z for you.
I'd still much rather have Strand Larsen and I dont care that he will be expensive, I dont care if it makes Sully cry into his morning Spunkflakes, or makes him cough up his fucking spleen (this would be ideal) he needs to fucking get it done, the grubby little cսnt. I would have concerns if this Paul Phillip Pear Tree of Jesus chap is our only striker acquisition, we have no idea if he'll adapt to the Premier league but I suspect it's just our Mendes infestation putting another of his clients in the shop window while we are still considered to be a shop window worth looking at.
FUCK OFF WEST HAM
I trust Mendes more than Salthouse/Silkman.
I dont trust any of them but at least Mendes has a reason to not bend us over quite as badly as he normally would given Nuno is his client, mate and chief helmet polisher. Mendes also has a more extensive and higher quality list of cunts to foist onto us for financial gain than the other two bob prick. Also this seems to be progressing quickly, so that's handy.
There you go, new years fucking positives for you, I'm renewed, rebuilt, we are staying up, (insert tiresome mindless faux positivity phrase here) .. etc.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 10:30
by twoleftfeet
Vexed wrote: ↑01 Jan 2026, 10:11
This Pablo/Felipe/Jesus fella has ridiculous stats but looks as ordinary as I've ever seen on the various videos I've seen of him lolloping about accompanied by the standard YouTube shittest music imaginable.
I see those fraggle rock weirdos on Analytics United have done a video on him too but I can't be arsed to listen to probably an hour of Beaker chatting to Doogie Howser about fucking 'goal contribitions', 'ground duels' and generally making the game sound horrendously boring and cuntish. Fucking Gen Z for you.
I'd still much rather have Strand Larsen and I dont care that he will be expensive, I dont care if it makes Sully cry into his morning Spunkflakes, or makes him cough up his fucking spleen (this would be ideal) he needs to fucking get it done, the grubby little cսnt. I would have concerns if this Paul Phillip Pear Tree of Jesus chap is our only striker acquisition, we have no idea if he'll adapt to the Premier league but I suspect it's just our Mendes infestation putting another of his clients in the shop window while we are still considered to be a shop window worth looking at.
FUCK OFF WEST HAM
I trust Mendes more than Salthouse/Silkman.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 10:27
by El Scorchio
Vexed wrote: ↑01 Jan 2026, 10:11
This Pablo/Felipe/Jesus fella has ridiculous stats but looks as ordinary as I've ever seen on the various videos I've seen of him lolloping about accompanied by the standard YouTube shittest music imaginable.
I see those fraggle rock weirdos on Analytics United have done a video on him too but I can't be arsed to listen to probably an hour of Beaker chatting to Doogie Howser about fucking 'goal contribitions', 'ground duels' and generally making the game sound horrendously boring and cuntish. Fucking Gen Z for you.
I'd still much rather have Strand Larsen and I dont care that he will be expensive, I dont care if it makes Sully cry into his morning Spunkflakes, or makes him cough up his fucking spleen (this would be ideal) he needs to fucking get it done, the grubby little cսnt. I would have concerns if this Paul Phillip Pear Tree of Jesus chap is our only striker acquisition, we have no idea if he'll adapt to the Premier league but I suspect it's just our Mendes infestation putting another of his clients in the shop window while we are still considered to be a shop window worth looking at.
FUCK OFF WEST HAM
Happy new year to you too!
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 10:26
by El Scorchio
Well, anyone who was worried about Nketiah and his dodgy hamstrings can breathe easy. Apparently he’s, ummm, done a hamstring in training. At least he had the good grace to do it before joining us.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 10:11
by Vexed
This Pablo/Felipe/Jesus fella has ridiculous stats but looks as ordinary as I've ever seen on the various videos I've seen of him lolloping about accompanied by the standard YouTube shittest music imaginable.
I see those fraggle rock weirdos on Analytics United have done a video on him too but I can't be arsed to listen to probably an hour of Beaker chatting to Doogie Howser about fucking 'goal contribitions', 'ground duels' and generally making the game sound horrendously boring and cuntish. Fucking Gen Z for you.
I'd still much rather have Strand Larsen and I dont care that he will be expensive, I dont care if it makes Sully cry into his morning Spunkflakes, or makes him cough up his fucking spleen (this would be ideal) he needs to fucking get it done, the grubby little cսnt. I would have concerns if this Paul Phillip Pear Tree of Jesus chap is our only striker acquisition, we have no idea if he'll adapt to the Premier league but I suspect it's just our Mendes infestation putting another of his clients in the shop window while we are still considered to be a shop window worth looking at.
FUCK OFF WEST HAM
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 10:05
by Sir Alf
Its given some of us hope again. Sullivan is a cruel man.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 09:50
by Gibson
Some iffy goalies in that reel but thats not his concern. I like his penalties though...if you miss or it gets saved its not because he's fannying around like he's on strictly just run up & hit it,
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 09:39
by Keep dreaming
A new striker, 3 years overdue. Fuck off Sullivan
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 09:15
by theaxeman
This deal nailed on apparently.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 08:56
by Fauxstralian
Let’s see how he deals with crosses, especially around Easter
Predict he will come back to life early in April
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2026, 08:30
by Django
Fmob- a sense of urgency in the January window. Sulivan must be sweating. Looks like a gamble but I’m happy with any mobile centre forward at this point.
Fauxstralian wrote: ↑31 Dec 2025, 18:21
Pablo Felipe Pereira de Jesus
£85 for the shirt , another £50 to put his name on
Medical booked in according to WestHamCentral
21yo 10 goals in 13 this season.
6’1
We can only hope that nobody fucks with the Jesus then eh?
my fav ever film
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 23:53
by Any Old Iron
Looking at that showreel he has a decent resemblance to a centre forward - but so did Haller and look how he turned out.
can but hope.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 23:10
by Electric Retro-pants
Like the strength and willingness to stay on his feet rather than dive. Seems to drift to right wing a bit, is he playing as a front pair with the 10?
Good, positive, forward and cross field passing.
Just need him beyond our penalty box, along with the rest of the bloody team...
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 21:46
by Massive Attack
He looks and sounds promising. Here's hoping he makes an instant impact in the Premier League at a catastrofuck of a Club in a relegation dogfight..
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 21:33
by twoleftfeet
At least it’s not a Salthouse client.
Has COYI written him off yet?
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 21:26
by eusebiovic
Fauxstralian wrote: ↑31 Dec 2025, 18:21
Pablo Felipe Pereira de Jesus
£85 for the shirt , another £50 to put his name on
Medical booked in according to WestHamCentral
21yo 10 goals in 13 this season.
6’1
We can only hope that nobody fucks with the Jesus then eh?
northbankboy68 wrote: ↑31 Dec 2025, 20:45
Do we have a medical team?
Yeah.. they told Stuart Pearce to run it off when he broke his leg it almost worked,our medical team years ahead of it's time.
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 21:03
by onsideman
stubbo-admin wrote: ↑31 Dec 2025, 20:10
Some Mendes lad from Gil Vicente called Pablo incoming. Medical booked and he might be ready for the Wolves game:
21? Tough paper round
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 20:56
by goose
northbankboy68 wrote: ↑31 Dec 2025, 20:45
Do we have a medical team?
Dr Nick from The Simpsons
Re: Winter '25/26 Transfer Rumours Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2025, 20:54
by stubbo-admin
twoleftfeet wrote: ↑31 Dec 2025, 18:30
Are we using Jorge Mendes now?
