The Ashes.

[only1billybonds]

Just been announced that Josh Hazlewood will miss the first test due to start in Perth next Friday. This is a big blow to the Australians as they will already be without their captain and no.1 pace bowler Pat Cummins.

Englands preparations for the tour has been questioned by many as they have opted to play no warm up games aside from a one off against the English lions. 

Many are saying that its crucial that we get of to a good start in Perth which basically means we cant afford to lose seeing as the 2nd test in Brisbane is a day/night game ( fucking ridiculous) where the Aussies are strongly fancied.

Looking forward to this now but really unsure of how it will play out, I guess I'd still make them slight favourites due to home advantage. Going to be a few all nighters in the coming weeks for me, let's hope it'll be worth it.

[zebthecat]

There is one ray of hope in that Ben Stokes was obviously pissed off with the team's performance. His own captaincy has not helped with the persistent short stuff and never putting anyone at third man either.
The problem is who the hell can you bring in to replace those players who are not up to it?

[Massive Attack]

It's highly unlikely now we'll turn this around but it would be nice to think Smiths comments inspire the Team on to perform out of their skin from here on in. Up till now, it has been mostly pitiful.

[zebthecat]

Oh FFS!
Can you stop trying to make this thread into another tedious argument fest please.
Thank you

Yes, the sandpaper thing was pretty depicable but this England team are every bit as irritiating, arrogant and entitled as the Australian team.

[only1billybonds]

I've always said that the reason for all those tears from Smith and Warner was because they got caught, not through any sense of shame. And yes, Bancroft was fed to the media in an effort to deflect some blame away from himself ( Smith). 

I wonder if he thinks it was worthwhile now. In many people's eyes, his batsmanship is not the first thing  he'll be remembered for. Sobbing like a dumped 14 year old girl in front of the world's sports media, holding meetings in the dressing room discussing the best ways to cheat and throwing a young colleague under the bus will always spring to mind before people acknowledge what a fine batsman he has been.

If you throw in Warners demented celebration when De Villiers got run out and Lyon deliberately dropping the ball directly on an opponent who lay on the floor, then it isnt hard to work out why so many dislike this mob.

Lastly, I often wonder if the antics around sandpapergate cast any doubts on the sucsess of previous Aussie teams. Is this 'win at all costs' mentality a one off involving Smith et al or is it just something they do? Who knows.

[southbankbornnbred]

He’s also the cheating cսnt who hung his young underling, Cam Bancroft, out to dry when they all got caught cheating red-handed. As the captain who commissioned sandpapergate, he went into the press conference after that day’s play and, when asked why the umpires were fining them all and referring the incident, Smith dodged the question and asked Bancroft to explain the situation.

What a completely disloyal, spineless cսnt bag of shit. It later emerged that the “senior leadership” (captain and vice-captain) knew about the sandpaper. Cue lots of tears.

[southbankbornnbred]

Is this the same Steve Smith who was crying his eyes out over the ball sandpapering? What a fucking "champ".

Yep - that’s the cսnt. The cheating cսnt who cried in front of his dad, and the whole world, not because he regretted his actions but because he regretted getting caught. It was all very sad. Apparently.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Is this the same Steve Smith who was crying his eyes out over the ball sandpapering? What a fucking "champ".

[southbankbornnbred]

Steve Smith to Jofra Archer when he gave him some lip :
“Where were you when they needed you. Bowl fast when there is nothing going on, champion”

Not really an English expression but in Australian sport to ‘champ’  someone is a major insult. Means I think you are a cսnt 
You’re welcome

Whatever Steve Smith says to Archer, however clever he thinks he’s being, Archer will always be able to say he knocked the cheating cսnt out cold. England have been a shambles on this tour. But if I were Smith, the one bloke I’d not sledge is the guy who already, famously fucked him over and had his teammates worried about his health.

[Fauxstralian]

Steve Smith to Jofra Archer when he gave him some lip :
“Where were you when they needed you. Bowl fast when there is nothing going on, champion”

Not really an English expression but in Australian sport to ‘champ’  someone is a major insult. Means I think you are a cսnt 
You’re welcome

[Takashi Miike]

[Westham67]

I have been watching test cricket on the BBC since the days of Tony Gregg, the magical West Indies team, and then Alan Border as captain of the 88/89 Ashes tour, marking the beginning of the era of great Australian teams. I listened to TMS for 85/86 Ashes win. The BBC were banned in China, so I could not keep up with cricket when I worked there.

What I am getting to is that anyone who knows anything about test cricket knew this cult of Bazball and waste of talent that goes with it would not work playing in Australian conditions. Key should be tin tacked

[BerlingtonBertie]

Makes me laugh seeing Trescothick around the team - a bloke who once flew home from an Ashes series from mental health/depression as a player and left his team mates in the lurch. So whats he doing around the squad now. 

[Fauxstralian]

England have talent in this team & in the wider county game
It’s about an English coach, mentality & accountabilty if you don’t perform. And playing the game as it unfolds (Stokes & Jacks today) not like lemmings going over the cliff
If these openers fail who is the replacement?
If this keeper isn’t up to it … he may be in the future … who is the replacement?
After spending two years developing a spinner why is he ditched for a part timer?

They do have about 35 players on tour (the Lions are currently also playing Australia A in Brisbane) but they seem to have decided this team is playing no matter what

[RootsRadical]

This team sums up the country in a nutshell!
 

[Far Cough UKunt]

Sorry to say but England's test cricket status should be relegated to the likes of Zimbabwe, Netherlands, Scotland and Ireland and even then they might still struggle against that lot. That's how fucking bad it is.

[Westside]

How many times have England actually won the Ashes in the last 20 years, anyone know?

4 times. All in England.

[Come On You Irons]

Key, McCullum and Stokes should all be sacked. It won't happen though as it's a massive boys club, which is the root cause of the problem.

[Fauxstralian]

Good to hear from Aussie Josh Inglis
Another West Australian CHAMPION 

The teams are fairly evenly matched in talent
Australia’s top order was in disarray and Dads Army’s only redeeming feature was the massive wicket takers Cummins Hazlewood Starc & Lyon 
They’ve won here with just Starc

England have lost here because they threw away 4 or 5 wickets in the first innings & because their catching was atrocious 
Almost looked like they’d not played under lights at Canberra to work on that
Who knew?
On to Adelaide
Cummins & Lyon to return & personally I’d move Head back to 5 & bring in Renshaw or McSweeney (just knocked up 226no v the Lions) to open

[southbankbornnbred]

Pathetic. Don’t think I’ve ever seen an England side (rather than individual players) talk so much while delivering so little. This side is atrocious.

Baazball Ltd has been exposed for what it is: a shallow, workshy, dereliction of responsibility and an excuse-laden abandonment of technique.

Too late for this series. But hopefully they’ll sack the coach before boarding the plane home. What happens with Stokes after that will be up to him: he’s a uniquely talented cricketer, but a stubborn and slightly arrogant bloke who can’t see the wood for the trees. I can see him retiring from tests after this tour. He’ll want to make a fortune on the t20 tour before retiring.

The most galling thing is that, as with all cults, everybody outside of the Baaaz bubble could see this was never going to work in Australia. Or India. Or South Africa etc. Yet critics were dismissed as “has beens” or “people who don’t understand” etc.

They're getting their asses whupped. And every ounce of it is on them.

[Far Cough UKunt]

I don't like us employing foreign managers for any sport, be it Football, Cricket or Lawn Bowls, don't we have any indigenous talent of our own?

[only1billybonds]

This isn't a dig at the Aussies but let's face it,they have yet to win a test match in this series.
They have been gifted 2 victories through sheer negligence which borders on outrageous arrogance. 2 down with three to play and we will have to work fucking hard not to suffer a 5-0 spanking.
Mcullum may want to look at a career change, his methods look far more suited to the therapy game rather than being in charge of a team in a major sport.

[Westham67]

Australia lower order 9,10, and 11 111 runs England 15.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Pathetic cricket that would shame a village side.

[Westham67]

Does the England cricket team have a plan? Ssokes and Jacks grafter for more overs than any of our other three innings (This is why I listen to TMS), and the Atkinson comes in, thinks it's catching practice

[Come On You Irons]

Brain dead batting from Atkinson there. Totally gave his wicket away. What a moron.