The Ashes.

[only1billybonds]

Just been announced that Josh Hazlewood will miss the first test due to start in Perth next Friday. This is a big blow to the Australians as they will already be without their captain and no.1 pace bowler Pat Cummins.

Englands preparations for the tour has been questioned by many as they have opted to play no warm up games aside from a one off against the English lions. 

Many are saying that its crucial that we get of to a good start in Perth which basically means we cant afford to lose seeing as the 2nd test in Brisbane is a day/night game ( fucking ridiculous) where the Aussies are strongly fancied.

Looking forward to this now but really unsure of how it will play out, I guess I'd still make them slight favourites due to home advantage. Going to be a few all nighters in the coming weeks for me, let's hope it'll be worth it.

[Fauxstralian]

England name their team for Boxing Day at the MCG
Ollie Pope dropped & Jofra Archer out for the series with a left side strain
Replaced by Jacob Bethell & Gus Atkinson

[Westham67]

Rob Key discusses preparation, performance and the trip to Noosa as the fallout of the Ashes defeat begins. Plus, we talk through it all with Stephan Shemilt and George Dobell. C+P On BBC sound, TMS well worth a listen with Shemilt and Dobell

[Westham67]

Struggled to catch the ball standing back so maybe STAND UP (Alex Carey style) is worth a try

 

TMS pointed out that Woakes could do that. Non-stop digs at Bazball

[Fauxstralian]

Struggled to catch the ball standing back so maybe STAND UP (Alex Carey style) is worth a try

[Come On You Irons]

Jamie Smith was the only player in the Test team who joined the run

That doesn't surprise me. He's West Ham, so he's bound to be a pwopa standup geeza.

[Fauxstralian]

Jamie Smith was the only player in the Test team who joined the run

[Westham67]

Seems they spent 2 days drinking after finishing early at Brisbane plus 4 days hammered at Noosa
Stokes invited the squad to do a 12km run while at Noosa. No takers
The fitness guy organised another run. 3 players took him up, 2 of whom weren’t in the team

An unprofessional shambles who have blown a chance against an injury weakened Australia who as a squad are coming to an end anyway
McCullum has to resign but it will cost $2m to sack him so will likely carry on in his ‘fun gig’

I heard the same about the fitness run

[Fauxstralian]

Seems they spent 2 days drinking after finishing early at Brisbane plus 4 days hammered at Noosa
Stokes invited the squad to do a 12km run while at Noosa. No takers
The fitness guy organised another run. 3 players took him up, 2 of whom weren’t in the team

An unprofessional shambles who have blown a chance against an injury weakened Australia who as a squad are coming to an end anyway
McCullum has to resign but it will cost $2m to sack him so will likely carry on in his ‘fun gig’

[Westham67]

Key is going to investigate players on the piss after the GABBA and on holiday at Noosa

[Fauxstralian]

For a long time I thought Michael Neser was an adult migrant from S Africa like Bryden C Arse seeking a pay cheque but seems he was another child migrant like Labuschagne, Khawaja & Inglis
Two Aboriginal players in Boland & Doggett in the squad

No Cummins, Hazlewood or Lyon at Melbourne , maybe Joe Root can make up for never winning a Test in Australia by getting another century

[Eerie Decent]

Any actual Aussies in the squad?

[Fauxstralian]

So after 3 Tests :
Hazlewood - not played at all
Cummins - one Test
Lyon - 1 incomplete Test & 2 overs at Perth
Khawaja - passenger at Perth & misses Brisbane
Smith - misses Adelaide 

And still the pub arsonist pinhead Stuart Broad still doesnt regret saying it’s the worst Australian team & BEST England team in 15 years

Jhye Richardson & Todd Murphy added to the squad for Melbourne with Steve Smith also available 

[Monsieur merde de cheval]

I watched that mate, McGrath is no banter man is he

[Monsieur merde de cheval]

Justin Langer was my favourite convict , and his views  carry a lot of weight with me.
 he said good morning  to stokes and got blanked and stokes looked shot to shit..(not what he actually said but what I took from it)

[Takashi Miike]

[southbankbornnbred]

I don’t mind if he stays on as test captain. Providing he understands, genuinely, that the next phase for England has to be about doing things properly on a technical level. Not cutting corners and trying to circumvent graft.

Theres an irony in all of this with Stokes. He has superb technique, especially with the bat. And he can graft. But he is wedded to the broad mentality of slogball and so he wants to pick other players who aren’t as good as him at it. So he stays loyal to that awful top 3 etc, and keepers who can’t catch.

He’s good enough to lead a test side that prepares and plays properly. But he needs to rid himself of the Bazbollocks. 

[Westside]

Yeah, agree about Stokes’ fitness. He’s an arrogant, prickly bloke who has doubled-down after his brainwashed ideology was exposed. But he’s one heck of a talented cricketer - and he’s put his body through hell for England.

But he’s falling apart. Would not be surprised if he decides to only play ODIs and T20s for England after this tour - which would force the ECB’s hand anyway.

He’d make a fortune in the IPL, Hundred and Big Bash over the next few years. His body would get more rest if he became a one-day specialist.

At international level, Stokes is trying to prolong his test career. He knocked 50 over ODI's on the head in 2022, coming back for the 2023 World Cup, but hasn't played an ODI since November 2023. And he's not played a T20 Internation since 2022.  After the end of The Ashes, their's virtually a 5 month gap to England's next test

I see him staying as Test Captain and a player (fitness permitting) until after the one off test in Convict Land in March 2027 and the  2027 home Ashes (not much more than 18 months away to that series). Suspect he will retire from test cricket after  then, along with Root. 

[southbankbornnbred]

Yeah, agree about Stokes’ fitness. He’s an arrogant, prickly bloke who has doubled-down after his brainwashed ideology was exposed. But he’s one heck of a talented cricketer - and he’s put his body through hell for England.

But he’s falling apart. Would not be surprised if he decides to only play ODIs and T20s for England after this tour - which would force the ECB’s hand anyway.

He’d make a fortune in the IPL, Hundred and Big Bash over the next few years. His body would get more rest if he became a one-day specialist.

[Westham67]

Stokes' fitness would be a worry if he contirues as captain. Bethell has been serving drinks to the England players all summer, so whether he is ready to fill in for Pope is questionable.

Many of the team were picked because they drank the Kool-Aid of Bazball, to play gung-ho test cricket. If Baz and Key go, the new regime will need to look at a new top order for test cricket. Another poster mentioned Brooks. I don't think he has the mentality to play non-Bazball test cricket

[southbankbornnbred]

By that, I mean the next skipper is going to be weighed down by a lot of challenges and will need to oversee a big transition. It’s going to be a rough ride, and they won’t get everything right.

It’s the skipper in three or four years’ time who we should be seeking to develop.

There’s even a case for retaining Stokes - but only providing he’s contrite enough to use his huge mistakes as a blueprint of how not to do things.

[southbankbornnbred]

I sort of think the next skipper doesn’t matter too much.

The most important appointments in the immediate future will be finding genuinely talented folk to replace Key and McCullum. And then going back to grassroots cricket in terms of how they coach test players, with the focus entirely on technique - not magic beans and “momentum”.

County cricket is not awash with great prospects, but they’re are some who should be tried out. We might get worse before we get better - but the hard yards and graft needs to be done now. No more short cuts and bullshit.

Get back to fundamentals, get the coaching right at all levels, and start developing test talent again. I want to see a new Chef before the next Zak Crawley.





 

[southbankbornnbred]

I'm coming to the view of making Duckett captain. Yes, he has had a poor series but he has a healthy test average for an opener and conducts himself well and is of the right age. An opener as captain also seems more natural for test cricket (Gooch, Atherton, Strauss and Cook all doing good jobs at in in the past).

I have gone completely off the idea of making Brook the next test captain.

Duckett is one of the most players most under threat when they move on from Baaaaazbollocks. So definitely wouldn’t make him skipper.

But it’s thin gruel at the moment, fo sho’.

[zebthecat]

I'm coming to the view of making Duckett captain. Yes, he has had a poor series but he has a healthy test average for an opener and conducts himself well and is of the right age. An opener as captain also seems more natural for test cricket (Gooch, Atherton, Strauss and Cook all doing good jobs at in in the past).

I have gone completely off the idea of making Brook the next test captain.

His record as ODI captain is poor and he seems to be really childish.
His brainless reverse sweep and reaction to getting bowled was the final nail in that coffin. 

[Massive Attack]

Stick with Stokes for now and see what he does under a different Coach first. 

[zebthecat]

After being out for months Cummins saying he is unlikely to play at Melbourne with the series won. 
Back to the Brisbane team … no Cummins no Lyon no Hazlewood 
Starc Boland & either Neser or Doggett
Murphy or Kuhneman to replace Lyon
Smith & Webster for Inglis & Green 

England unchanged?

 

 

I don't thnk there is anyone who can come in.
Potts for Carse perhaps as the latter is far too expensive.
Bethell for Pope but batting further down the order with someone else at 3. Perhaps Root should finally take responsibilty and have a go. I know he is not keen but, fuck it, he is best option by far.