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Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

joyo 2:38 Wed Jun 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Why are Catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious!

BRANDED 8:25 Tue Jun 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Dave Mustaine: Megadeth frontman diagnosed with cancer

13 Brentford Rd 1:10 Tue Jun 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Police stop a man on a motorbike to tell him his wife fell off the back of his bike half a mile back.

Man on motorbike replies.....
"Thank fuck for that I thought I'd gone deaf"

Aalborg Hammer 12:31 Tue Jun 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
The wife said to me in bed last night “If you turn the bedside light off,I’ll take it up the bum”

In hindsight,maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first...

East Auckland Hammer 3:29 Tue Jun 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Man: "What did your wife do just before she had the baby?"

Other man: "Yelled out FUUUUUUUUUCK and a little bit of poo came out"

Man: "I mean for work"

Other man: "Oh, book-keeping"

The Libertine 2:03 Mon Jun 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A serial killer takes a little girl into the woods at night. The girl screams and kicks and yells that she is really scared. Serial killer says, you are scared?? What about me, I have to go back through the scary woods all alone!

Helmut Shown 1:40 Mon Jun 17
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
A young air stewardess is on her first flight and as she is working at the back of the plane she hears

"Bing bong this is your captain speaking we are now flying at 35,000 feet and we will shortly be commencing our descent to Stanstead, I hope you are enjoying your flight with Easyjet and hope to see you again in the near future"

Unfortunately the pilot neglects to switch off the mike and his conversation with the co-pilot can be heard:

"What are you going to do when we land skip?" The co-pilot asks.

" Well" he replies "first off I'm gonna have a shit then I'm gonna try to get in the new stewardess's knickers"

On hearing this the stewardess runs up the aisle and trips arse over tit on an old dear's handbag and falls flat on her face.

The old girl leans over to her in the aisle and says "its ok no need to hurry he says he's having a shit first!"

Aalborg Hammer 9:11 Mon Jun 17
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
Got caught speeding in Lincoln city centre yesterday.



Bastards, I was only doing 30 knots!

David L 9:48 Sun Jun 16
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
5 people die after eating contaminated sandwiches at a garden centre cafe.

Authorities say cause of death was wisteria.

lab 9:14 Sun Jun 16
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
Unluckiest bloke in the world who bought a pack of after eights and died at seven thirty.

joe royal 3:30 Sun Jun 16
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
Old one: What do you need to circumcise a whale? .....Sharp knives and four skin divers.

eswing hammer 11:03 Fri Jun 14
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
My wife keeps getting sent flowers but the stems never have any flower heads on ,this kept on so she rang the police but they just said she was being stalked!

Aalborg Hammer 1:29 Fri Jun 14
Re: 1400 crap jokes.
Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps! So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well!
However, anti-drink campaigner's want it banned amid fears of 24 hr minge drinking.

joe royal 6:41 Thu Jun 13
1400 crap jokes.
Some dyslectic racist wrote ‘go home cone’ on my neighbours front door.

The Libertine 3:37 Thu Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Aalborg Hammer 8:50 Thu Jun 13

HAHAHA, took me a couple of seconds before I got it.

There are 10 types of people, those who know binary and those who dont and only half will understand the joke.

Aalborg Hammer 8:50 Thu Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?



He’s OK now.

collyrob 10:30 Tue Jun 11
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Two Chinese boys break into a distillery ,one boy says to the other: “Is this whisky?”
Other boy replies: “Aye but no as whisky as wobbin a bank”

Aalborg Hammer 9:19 Tue Jun 11
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Phone rings, woman answers. The pervert, with heavy breathing, says "Have you got a tight unshaven c*nt ?"

Woman replies "Yes, he's watching television - who shall I say is calling?"

Queens Fish Bar 5:52 Sun Jun 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I was looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess and smoking a roll up.

Then she cocked her leg and let out a massive fart.

"you are a mess and I'm disgusted with you." I said

"I'm still the woman you love and married," she said "sometimes we all let ourselves go a bit."

"We're on our fucking honeymoon" I replied.

Mirkwood 10:04 Sat Jun 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
haha

Queens Fish Bar 3:30 Sat Jun 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Yesterday was a bit of a strange day!

First, I found a hat full of money and then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.

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